Thin Skins

As I was doing a quick scan of my blogs today, I was dismayed to learn that Babs, RN is thinking about going on hiatus from the blog world for awhile.

Yet, I can't blame her in the least. Babs is one of the nicest folks I've met here in this public diary we call blogging. And, she's taken some good hits lately from folks who try to make blogging far more than what it is for the reader.

A blog is an individual's thoughts put down in a manner that allows other folks to read and comment. No more, no less.

But in the relative anonimity a blog gives respondents, those inclined to reply forget that what they see on a blog is only a tiny part of the person who writes. It's not the complete picture of that person by any means.

Some folks who respond feel that because someone chooses to comment in a public diary, it gives them the "right" to criticize and opine on the subject at hand, and if that opinion is in total disagreement, then the respondent thinks they also have the "right" to become verbally combative (okay, by verbally I mean typing) and to treat the blog writer like someone unworthy of respect or ability to have an opinion on a subject that may not be the same as another's.

So, Babs' "voice" may be silent for awhile. Defending oneself from people who do not know the scope of your complete life is exhausting, and when it comes right down to it, why should a person have to defend themselves from people they will probably never meet in real life?

(Yes, folks, there IS a life on the other side of the computer screen. It's probably a good idea to try to find it if you haven't already.)

I went through something similar in the last few days in another type of forum.

I wrote a letter to an email group I've belonged to for many years.

Remember email groups? Those are those things that used to be popular before blogging came along. ;) Most that I belong to have drifted by the wayside because of blogs, My Space, Live Journal, and others of that ilk.

The letter I wrote to the email group was in response to a letter that had been sent to the group by another member. Her letter consisted of a list of "no-no's" that a person should not feed a dog. She'd gotten the list from the newspaper and though the list was purportedly by a veterinarian, it was full of flaws, and stated that dogs should not be given things that are routinely found in commercially prepared dog foods, both wet and dry.

So, I wrote a response to the list, voicing my opinion of the article. It was not a critical letter in the least, but was carefully thought out and worded in such a way to be upbeat and positive and to make some points that would make the reader think about the things they just accept as truth because they "read" them in a newspaper or magazine.

But, I did make a mistake. After much thought I had began the response with: "Dear (name)" and mentioned that I'd also read the same article and disagreed with it.

Now, I know this particular individual in ways other than this email group. And, what I've learned about her in the years I've known her on lists and in person is that she is one of those people who is a passive-aggressive and manipulative person. She's one of those people who seems to believe that her lot in life cannot be changed...she's destined to be sick and tired and poor, and she's sick and tired of being sick, tired and poor. And because she's all that, it has given her the express permission to whine about it constantly. You can hear "oh, poor little old me" in almost everything she writes. She wants her "strokes" to come at the expense of people who tend to pick up strays and then wonder why they've been bitten.

So, harsh as that may sound, it perhaps does a bit to explain why I had to think about the salutation I put on my reply to the list.

But, I did it because there was nothing I could find in the letter that could be taken as a criticism. And, I did thank her for bringing the list to the attention of folks who might not have seen it, and then I stated my opinion of the article.

But, sure enough. She accused me of singling her out and "lecturing" her. Other folks wrote in agreeing with my opinion and then writing in again to state that they didn't feel it was a lecture at all.

So, you know...her response pissed me off. And I took another day to think about whether or not to reply; I had pretty much decided to ignore the whole thing when a conversation with a co-worker on a totally different topic changed my mind.

I wrote to that list and told them how I felt I'd taken a risk in my reply to the individual and why. And, I brought forth yet another point that email groups like that one were dying because of blogging. I also said that we've become a nation of people who are thin-skinned.

We want to be able to attack others, but we don't think that we should expect to attacked back in turn.

Intelligent conversation and diverse opinions for the sake of conversation and learning is dying. And most people don't even realize it. We've become a nation of thin-skinned people who only want to dish it out, but don't want to take it. We've become a nation of people who have forgotten how to think on our feet and be able to accept and reject ideas and theories, because, hey...we've become a nation of sheep who've been spoon fed for so long, we've forgotten how to chew anything of substance.

I refused to apologize for my opinion to that group. And, I said many of the same things there that I have just stated here. I told the person that while I'm sorry she was offended, I didn't do anything that required an apology - that, in fact, because of ways she's acted in the past, I also had taken a risk in replying at all.

And, I received an apology from her. I have to admit that I was quite surprised. And when I read that Babs might go on hiatus, this recent episode in my life prompted this rambling dissertation.

So, Babs, if you happen to still be reading blogs and run across this one, please know that you and your blog will be missed. It's been a pleasure to know you in this tiny part of my world. You are definitely one of the people I would like to meet in person some day. I hope to see your blog in active mode once again very soon.