Of Mayonnaise and Miracle Whip

When the ceremony is completed and the reception is about to begin, an announcement will be made. Instead of signing a guest book, the guests will be given a card to write their suggestions down for what makes a happy marriage.

I believe mine will probably read something like this:

Remember that marriage is a melding of two people who will be the nucleus for their own family, and yet, be blended into other families. Both Miracle Whip and Mayonnaise are enhancements, and each is a matter of individual taste - but there is room for both in the refrigerator.

Now, before you come to the conclusion that I've completely lost my mind, let me tell you the story that Marsha told me over the weekend. Kirk had never told me this story, perhaps thinking it was not so important, but Marsha did, because she was the one who experienced it firsthand.

As many of you know, Kirk was married briefly before. He met a woman who seemed to be everything he wanted; she shared his religion, she shared his views of the world. She was trying to further her education.

Robert and I, and both our daughters, as well as many of the friends of all disliked her intensely. But, it's not our way to stand in the way of our children's hearts.

He went to live with her, eventually secretly marrying her. We didn't find out till four months later that a marriage had taken place.

But, that is not the story.

The story goes like this: Jenna had three children by her first husband. She told tales of how he neglected her. It was yet another of the many stories she told in her desire to build her self esteem. Her husband, in actuality, worked full time and went to college full time in order to make a life for her and the children, and further himself so they could have a better life.

Impatient, she left him and began to wander. She found Kirk, and he became her protector, her knight in shining armor who would take her and the children away from it all.

I didn't raise my son to be a weak man. I did raise him to respect women, to be a partner to the woman he chose. He knew that there were lean times and rich times.

And, boy, did they have the lean times. Kirk moved from here, leaving a chance for a free college education, and a very good job to follow Jenna. Our relationship suffered, because we were not kind about his decision, even though he had reached his majority. I spent many hours crying because my son was gone, and I missed him; I wondered if our harsh words had ruined everything forever.

His phone calls were guarded. We didn't know if it was because he no longer trusted us, or because he couldn't speak freely.

But, no matter. What really matters here is that Kirk is honorable; he would have stuck it out till the end of his days, even if he'd been miserable. He would have done everything in his power to please Jenna and be a wonderful stepdad to her children.

Kirk likes to please the people he loves. He goes out of his way to do things for people. Although confrontation is not his style, he does not let himself be intimidated.

But, living a poor and tough life wears a body down.

As I said, they had little or no money. Groceries were the first thing they bought with his paycheck and they shopped carefully stretching their dollars as much as they could.

Jenna and the kids had grown up with Miracle Whip in their household. They loved it. Kirk preferred the taste of mayonnaise. He grew up in a household where both were appreciated.

But, when the money had to go as far as it could, they decided to get Miracle Whip. Why? Because Jenna and the kids loved it and Kirk wanted to please his family, even at the expense of his own taste. He did this throughout their relationship.

But, I'll bet when he came home and found her gone, and he was once again on his own, he had mayonnaise in his refrigerator. And, justifiably so.

When Marsha and Kirk fell in love and decided to combine their households, one of the first trips they made was to the grocery store.

As they perused the condiments, Kirk reached for a quart of mayonnaise.

Unbeknown to him, Marsha had picked up a quart of Miracle Whip. She placed it in the shopping cart. Kirk brought his purchase over and started to place it in the cart.

He saw the Miracle Whip and froze.

"Oh...you got Miracle Whip."

"Yes, I like it. I don't like mayonnaise very well."

And, Kirk slowly pulled his jar out of the cart with a sad little look, try as he might to hide it. But, Marsha saw it.

He turned with a deep sigh and said, "That's okay."

Marsha, as you can guess was perplexed.

"Wait, you don't have to put that back."

"Yes, I do. You prefer Miracle Whip."

"But, Kirk, you must like mayonnaise better than Miracle Whip, right?"

He admitted he did. She told him to put it back in the cart.

He refused. "We only need one kind, and you like Miracle Whip, so that's what we'll get."

As his mom, I know what he's like. Though he would have never said a word, he was deeply saddened because he was seeing a whole replay of the past couple of years. And, this time, Marsha was going to support him while he went back to college, and there would be no way he would abuse her funds when he was not actively contributing by way of a paycheck.

Marsha must have thought he'd lost his mind. She grabbed the jar from the shelf and put it in the cart.

She spoke gently.

"Kirk, we can have both Mayonnaise and Miracle Whip in OUR refrigerator..."

At that moment I realized what a wonderful job I'd done in raising my son. He's become the caring and loving man I'd always hoped he'd be, even in the face of adversity, he always carried himself with honor.

And Marsha loves my son for what he is. And, you have to know how much I love her for that.