And the nightmares began again...

November 1, 1991

I won't forget the night. I had taken a job at Wal-Mart when it came to town. I was, at that time, the assistant manager in lingerie and "purse world" The news filtered through the store about the shootings on the U of I campus. The final count came to six dead, one person critically injured. If I remember correctly, four of the five killed were members of the physics department. The lone gunman went on his rampage because he'd been passed over for some sort of accolade, and it sent him over the edge.

As the horror of the next few days cast darkness over the campus, I began my own personal hell. You see, I knew the name of the person who was fighting for her life. Her name is Miya Rodolfo-Sioson. She is the lone survivor of the shootings. She was shot through the mouth and the bullet lodged in her spinal cord, paralyzing her.

You see, were it not for an odd twist of fate, it would have been me.

After my massage therapy business went out of business because of the effects of a cult my boss fell prey to, I spent some time trying to get on at the U. One of the jobs I applied for was for a delightful woman whose name was T. Anne Cleary. She was the vice-president of the Office of Academic Affairs.

I was interviewed by Anne for a job opening at the Academic Affairs office. There were four final applicants for the job. I was one of them. I was brought in for another interview and found that the opening was between me and another applicant.

We were both evenly matched as far as abilities. However, to that point I had never worked within any sort of major business operation, and the other candidate had. To top that off, she was a student, and had a good understanding of the student needs academically; I would have had to be trained intensively to gain the knowledge that she already had. And, it always looks good if a student fills a job in a busy office.

The decision was made to hire the student. I kept job hunting, finally getting hired to help stock and open the new Wal-Mart store. It was two months after we opened the store that the massacre occurred. And, all we heard was the shootings had taken place downtown in the physics building.

When I heard the news and read the headlines, I began to shake as I read the names and locations. Had the decision been to hire me and not a student, I'd likely have been the person who ended up paralyzed or perhaps dead.

I didn't sleep well for a long time. When I did sleep, I had nightmares, dark and bloody, hysterically frightening. Eventually, they grew fewer and fewer and eventually came no longer.

But, with news of the Viginia Tech shootings, I'm back in those memories of that time, and the nightmares haunted me as I tried to sleep last night. I spent much of the night last night staring at the darkness of the ceiling, jumping at each middle-of-the-night sound. I had to turn up the hall light so I could make sure I could see what ghosts might come through the doorway. And, I find myself bleary-eyed tonight, and am already dreading the time when I must try to sleep.

It will fade as the news reports fade from the public. But, right now it's clawing at me once again.