And His Wife Tells Me He Still Wants a Duck

Yes, you heard me correctly.

Marsha told me tonight that Kirk still wants a pet duck. He thinks it would be cool.

Marsha, being far more practical, told him that he could have a duck as long as it lived outside. She doesn't think that duck droppings inside are a good idea. And, as far as I know, no one has ever successfully housebroken a duck.

Of course, I cracked up when she said it. We're sitting in the middle of a meeting when this topic was brought up, and Marsha, of course, said to me, "I suppose this is all YOUR fault!"

Who? ME? Do they really think I had anything to do with my son's whacked out ideas and perverse sense of humor? *innocent look*

So, I proceeded to relay the story, much to Kirk's chagrin. He had to jump in quickly and tell everyone at the table that they must be sure to know that he was around ten years old when this happened. Give or take a few years. At least he wasn't 17 or anything like that!

I believe this all came about because of a movie called "Fly Away Home". It was the story of a young girl who taught her gosling charges how to fly south for the winter by taking them on the journey as she flew an ultralight plane.

But, in the beginning, she was the first thing the goslings saw when they hatched, hence, she became Mother Goose. And the goslings followed her everywhere.

When Kirk found out that ducks would do the same thing, he immediately wanted to get his hands on a duck egg, watch it hatch and become Father Duck.

So, one night at the dinner table, he was discussing this, and told his dad in all seriousness that he wanted to get an egg, watch it hatch and "imprint" the duckling so it would think Kirk was "Daddy".

But, that's not what he said.

"Dad, I want to impress a duck."

It was too good to pass up. Neither Robert, Vaughn (who was five years older) or I could suck it in and keep from laughing. We laughed until we hurt.

Finally, I managed, between fits of laughter and gasps for air, to tell Kirk what he needed to do to impress the duck:

"Honey, if you want to impress the duck, you really need to wear your Duxedo..."

And the laughter continued till the tears rolled down our cheeks and our sides ached.