I've had about ten days of pure joy, and I knew it was far too good to last. And, of course, it was my fault it came to an end because I was too honest. I told the truth to a person I was very interested in on so many levels...a man with high intelligence, good looking, a great conversationalist. Heck, he even made my little heart go pitty-pat a bit!

Online conversations can be difficult, especially when you haven't been around the person to "see" the inflections in their "tone" online. Even though I've known this man for almost 15 years, we've never spent a huge block of time together...not referring to sexually, just time together.

So, we had a few laughs and great conversation. And then I pushed my humor limits mixed with truth as I live it. And it was too much, and it messed things up. 

There's a lot of stuff going on that I'm trying to figure out.  When one lives in a marriage with a man whose idea of fun is to watch news shows and talk to the television, resists leaving the house even to see the children or grandchildren unless I get angry or domineering, is definitely dyslexic and has to read everything out loud slowly and still processes it without understanding completely what he's just read, and is slowly showing early signs of dementia...well...those moments of fun with an old friend were invaluable to me. And being over honest was not a good thing even when it was meant in jest and smartassery.

It's a work in progress, folks.  Magic is afoot and I know this; I'm hoping that there's still time for me to have the life I'd like to have in this lifetime. I have to work hard to make the changes neccessary and I know that. I've talked to one child and have to talk to two more.  

As I said, it's a work in progress and more will be written later, as I want to keep a record of what I'm thinking and feeling through all this confusion.

Namaste...