A few days ago I was texting with one of my best friends who lives 2000 miles away. We're the kind of friends who, though we see each other seldom, we always know we've got each others' back. At least, that's how I feel and believe so of him as well.
So, it was with no hesitation at all I thought of him when I was beginning my effort to do something quite important to me. I asked him if he'd be, in effect, my mentor in this, a cheerleader, encouraging and more importantly, nagging me into not giving up. In short...make me accountable!
He replied that he couldn't even himself hold himself accountable, let alone someone else. It left me with my jaw hanging in surprise. When I recovered, I texted back, telling him one of his strong points has always been to motivate people. I think my comment took him by surprise as well.
As we continued back and forth, I found myself telling him to stop - that he should take the opportunity and run with it when it was offered to him.
He questioned me on what I meant. I wasn't able to continue the conversation just then, but I've been thinking about it ever since. He reads my blog, so I'm doing my best to save my texts for the month and address my thoughts here, and perhaps they will give something to consider.
I've been blindsided quite a few times in the last few years, and in spite of the initial pain, I'm finding that most times the Divine is not only trying to teach me a lesson, but if I give myself permission to *look* there's actually been a new opportunity for me hidden within. It may not be anything huge, only a stepping stone to begin a path, but it's an opportunity just the same. I've begun to look forward to life's challenges because of the opportunities which have manifested as a result. Those small positives bring joy to my life!
I wonder how many of us are all too content to wallow in the muck of our own making? We talk a good game in public, hiding our angst then cowering in the corners of our minds, drinking our own particular brands of hemlock, committing mental suicide.
When something is given to us, we neglect to reach out and grab for it, not realizing it for the opportunity of it all.
In my friend's case, I know his background, and I absolutely DO understand why he may be feeling the way he is. But, as I told him, when opportunity beckons, we simply cannot continue to live on the past - we must go "onward and upward" (Thank you to C.S. Lewis and the Chronicles of Narnia for that phrase!)
Sometimes it seems to feel as though when a person can't dig themself out of the past experiences in life, there's no point in reaching out to help others.
That's so very wrong.
Within helping others is a way to ease our own troubles. But, we don't recognize it for what it is. Those opportunities-in-the-making sometimes are not recognized for what they could be. Instead, I believe that many times we look upon them as mere annoyances; a waste of our time - the time, though, being time that we're spending reliving the past experiences we've had. Somehow we hold the past so close, babying it and cradling it like precious cargo, not even thinking that underneath it all it's beginning to become gangrenous. We need to cut away the dead of it all and let the living tissue learn to breathe again.
From where I see it, my friend is dwelling on what has happened in his past and is missing the small opportunities that may be presented.
I see this, not only in my friend(s), but ongoing in my work at the hospital. Another acquaintance of mine is so tightly strapped for money that she only has $93 dollars left for the month after paying her bills...and so, that's her grocery money for the whole month. Needless to say, it's one hellova diet plan! She doesn't complain...but she does nothing to look ahead with it, either.
She went out, got a second job to get her through some of the major debt. She lasted only four days - she was too exhausted to do double duty to get herself out of the debt. But she finds enough time to screw her boyfriend two or three times a week for the length of a work shift. Now, I'm all for plenty of sex, but wait a minute...there's something wrong with this picture in my mind. But, it's not my place in this instance to do anything more than to give her an opinion and let her see other points of view or options. If she decides getting laid is most important, than all I can do is pick up a meal ticket once in awhile to make sure she doesn't starve, then look at the opportunity she's giving me - a way to think about what is important to me, what I might do if I had a similar situation! (So very not likely! LOL!)
So, was the opportunity for me or for her? Both of us. My suggestion to her was that in order for her to hold a second job, she might have to just cut out the playground activities during the week, or at least severely curtail them instead of only getting a couple of hours of sleep per night. The opportunity for me was not only a moment to give her thoughts based on my own life experiences, but also to have the time to consider what she's doing, then figure out what and where I'd want to do in a similar situation. I had both the opportunity to help, and the opportunity to think! Good things, both!
While that probably isn't the best of examples, it's the one which came to mind because it's a recent happening. But the ultimate premise is the same...it's not about getting stuck in the rut, but working to smooth that very rut out.
For my guy friend, I reached for his help, and no matter if he felt he couldn't give it to me. What is important, I think, is that I thought of him as the best person possible to help me with my quest and I asked for it. That he can't, or won't is not as important as the conversation which followed - perhaps he'll start looking for the opportunities previously not recognized for what they might be, and the opportunity he gave me was to *realize* how very precious the opportunities are which have been given to me!
My belated wishes to all who still read this blog for a very Happy, Healthy and Prosperous 2011. The changes will be great, the opportunities many.
Blessed be.
Kate
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