Regrets

Sometimes your past bites you on the ass when you least expect it.

Happened to me yesterday.

I was out walking in the one of several cemeteries. Now, while this may seem odd, it really isn't. I was getting a head start on next month's photography contest, the theme of which is "Cemeteries"

My purpose in visiting this particular cemetery was that a part of it is reported to be a pet cemetery. I never did see any evidence of pets buried there; my next door neighbor is supposed to have a dog buried there. I'll have to ask her about that.

But what I did find was this:


I had no idea whatsoever she'd died...and so many years ago.

Sheila (that is, her dog) was one of my grooming clients when I owned the shop. I groomed her Yorkie, Clancy (I called her Clancy Jean) every month or six weeks while I owned the shop. I loved that little dog; I'd groomed her from the very first.

Sheila and I became friends, too. We did a lot of things together for a couple of years. When I made the decision to go back to college, I kept a few of my grooming clients and groomed their dogs at the house.

What happened next never should have been taken to extremes. Gods only know why it did. My spouse was on the road with his job. I was going to school full time, being a mom full time and doing it all alone. In between, I'd schedule grooming, or other parts of my life.

One day we had a short day at school. It was on the schedule and I'd mentioned it to Sheila. She came to the conclusion that Clancy needed grooming, while I was looking forward to shipping the kids out the door to school and having a day to myself to refresh.

Sheila could be as demanding a friend as I can be to others. She insisted that she'd drop Clancy off to me at 0800 to groom, and pick her up at 1600. It didn't matter what I said, she was going to do it.

We argued about it. Finally, after about a half hour of her pushing me to do her wishes, with no consideration for mine, I told her it would be best if she just found someone else to groom Clancy from then on. At that moment in time, I just didn't have any more to give.

And, we never spoke to each other again. I saw her once at some public function and she wouldn't even look at me.

I don't know what happened. I don't know if she died in a car accident, or had cancer. I don't know the circumstances of her death. I don't know what happened to Clancy Jean. I just know I wasn't there.

And, my heart is full of regret and sadness.