How to Shock a Wrong Number...

who thinks they have the RIGHT number.

Coming home from a "me" time slot, my cell phone rang.

What? Twice in one afternoon? It's a new world record!!!

For the record, Tracey called me - and by the way, Tracey, I couldn't give the girl doing my pedicure your message because it was a guy.

The second call was a surprise because many days go by without a single phone call. But, there it was, ringing once more.

I flipped it open.

"Hello, is Robert there?"

Robert? The Luddite? The person who thinks cell phones are the scourge of Satan? Why the hell would someone be asking for him?

"Nooooooo...." I said in a puzzled tone. "He seldom uses this phone. Who is this?"

"This is (garbled, bad signal sounds)"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. Who did you say this was?"

"This is Reverend Mary Something-or-other of (garbled, bad signal sounds)."

"Who?"

"Reverend Mary Something-or-other of the (garbled sounds) Church."

To say I was startled was an understatement. For a brief, panic-stricken moment I wondered if this was a chaplain assisting at one of the local emergency rooms, and was trying to notify Robert that one of the kids were in an accident or something.

I gave my head a little shake, brows furrowed, while I tried to think of some other reason why a church minister would be calling my cell phone. I don't give out my cell number; those of you who may have it are definitely on my "A" list, so to speak. If you don't have it, you've probably not called my land line with enough regularity to deserve knowing where to find me when I'm not at home.

"May I ask how you got this number?"

"Robert gave it to me."

Okay, now this is just really strange. Robert hates the cell phone, he has no idea what the number is to the thing, although he does recognize it when it comes across the caller ID. Hell, *I* don't even remember the number most of the time without looking because I never call it, either, and it's not my primary phone!

But since Robert has had an extraordinary week in which he's found out a very odd woman who engaged him in conversation when he was walking the dogs and took a picture of him with the dogs has posted that picture on the 'Net, has another woman seem to run into him when he's out walking the dogs late in the evening, and had a man make a pass at him at the Guess Who concert last week, I'm figuring that this is yet one more weird thing that has his name attached to him somehow.

"Ummmm...Why did Robert give you this phone number?"

Her reply just about made me drive my brand new Jeep into the water retention pond next to the mall.

"He gave me the phone number when he filled out all the paperwork when he joined our church."

Whisky.

Tango.

Foxtrot.

?????

"He did WHAT???"

She replied slowly like she was talking to a very dimwitted child.

"He gave me this number when he joined our church."

Now I'm not saying that this isn't possible. But, believe me, Robert joining a church would be highly unlikely.

"Uh, when he joined your church? Excuse me, but please tell me what phone number you're trying to call."

"(area code)xxx-xxxx."

Yup, that checks out.

"You know, Reverend, I just find it very unlikely that Robert would join a church."

Her tone gets a bit stern. I can almost imagine her gathering herself into sermon mode.

"Nevertheless, he filled out paperwork and has joined our church."

Boy, am I ever looking forward to having a chat with Robert when I get home!

"Reverend, would you mind giving me the last name of Robert before we continue this conversation any further?"

"Robert's last name is Manning."

BINGO!

I started grinning. I wish I'd have taken a few more seconds to think about this as I could have had a whole lot of fun with the rest of this phone call, but ya know...I blew it.

"Reverend, I'm really afraid that you've been given a wrong number. It's just ironic, though, that you've called my phone, and my spouse's name happens to be Robert. Unfortunately, Manning is not our last name. And, I'm quite sure that Robert hasn't joined your church because...well...I'm quite sure your church would not be interested in having us as members."

She begins to protest my stance.

"No, no, our church is open to everyone."

"Uh, I don't believe that's quite true. You see, Robert and I are Pagans. Churches generally aren't interested in the likes of us."

I could almost hear her teeth snap from the rebound as the bounce of her jaw hitting the floor brought her chops back together.

Yup, I was right. She's definitely not open-minded enough to want a Pagan in her church. Her loss.

And, my laugh for the day.