Out with the old.....

I hope that most people are out socializing on this last day of 2006 with friends or family; I'm hoping to watch the second Pirates of the Caribbean in about 45 minutes, so my own computer time will be limited tonight.

Being away from the computer the last few months has given me far more time to think about things I have steadfastly tried to avoid. And, with the health troubles that begin to rear their ugly heads, it's time for me to begin looking at some things squarely in the face.

One of those things is my relationship with my spouse. While some might deem it unwise to bring all this up on a blog for not only friends to see, but people who I don't even know, I have come to realize that it helps me to have friends read my words. What scares me, though, is how easily people might think that I'm simply whining. True enough, there will be times when that is the case, but I think there is enough of the hard-core journalist left in me to report things factually, with little slant.

Tonight is a prime example. He had to work today. It was an extra long day for him because 4th quarter inventory had to be done. So, he went in to work at 8, worked his regular shift and then remained to do inventory.

We didn't have any party plans or anything; we just talked about watching one of the many movies I've been buying the last few months which never seem to get played. Pretty laid back and casual. Since I used to work at the same place as he does, I knew how tired he'd be when he got home.

He got home about 7:30. I had just finished feeding the critters, and when I was finished, I plopped down on the couch to continue watching VH-1's 80's show. He grabbed the remote and turned the station to football. No surprises there! But, it annoys me as he just *does*, never asks how involved I am in the program.

I mentally rolled my eyes, and just waited till the commercial. I asked him if he was hungry. "Haven't you eaten yet?" he asked me.

"No, I waited for you."

"Oh, I'm not hungry, you go ahead and eat." And, he changed the channel back to VH-1, got up from his chair and went to his "cave" to watch football.

There's a Jeckyl and Hyde part to me. While not as extreme as the fictional counterparts by any means, they are there, just the same. Part of me understands where he is coming from and is resigned to it after 35 years of marriage. The other part of me is unbelievably resentful.

It's New Year's Eve, dammit. Is football so damned important that an exception can't be made even once in a rare while? So, then I'm faced with a dilemma. Do I go ahead and watch a movie alone, or do I make a fuss, or just let things be and save the movie for another time?

I decided to eat a couple of turkey sandwiches and drink some tea. Then I decided since I've given myself some leeway to overindulge for a couple more days, to mosey down to the card table in the cave (which is our basement family room, btw) which we have the remainder of the Christmas cookies.

And, I find him rolling a joint, watching his football. Yeah, though I've never said it on this blog before, my spouse is a stoner. I sighed and just gave up on the movie for the night, figuring he'd be lost in smokeland.

But, lo and behold...he came upstairs about 25 minutes ago and asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. I told him that we didn't *have* to, for I figured that he was going to be downstairs for the remainder of the evening, as usual. His response was that 'da Bears' were horrible and he just didn't want to watch the game anymore. (Notice how the movie offer only came in *after* he didn't want to watch the game any longer?) And, what makes this even more irritating is that he then told me to take my time, he was hungry and was going to find something to eat while I was finishing up in here. GRRRRR!!! Amazing, isn't it, how hunger comes to the forefront when you're stoned, but not if you have to share a table with your wife?

I'm pleased with myself. I didn't scramble out of my computer chair and run right in there when he was ready to watch the movie. I looked at the clock and told him the movie would be fine, but it would have to wait till I was done on the computer. Dammit, he can wait on me once in awhile!

In the time period while he was in the cave, I decided to make an attempt to not only treat my physical self this year, but also to treat my mental and spiritual self this year. Of course, that last sentence didn't come out quite as I planned, but since this is my blog and not a story, I'm going to leave it as is instead of refining. What it boils down to is that I spend a huge amount of time 'alone' when he is at home. I'm going to begin paying attention to just how much time it actually is. I don't mind being alone, for I enjoy my own company. But, there is a large amount of time when I am lonely/starved for companionship. And, though many of my friends don't seem to understand why I just don't go out with friends more often, I can only say that I got married at a time when if you were married, you were supposed to hang around with each other - it's not done so much that way anymore, but some things are hard to wrap my head around quite yet.

Anyway, I'm going to head for a movie; I may blog more later, but this may become an ongoing topic in this blog while I work to make changes to my life.

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Happy New Year!

The movie is just finished, the house is dark, save my office, and I'm finishing up here before I go to bed. I enjoyed the movie and would highly recommend both of the Pirates of the Caribbean flicks to anyone who hasn't seen them! Johnny Depp is wonderful as Captain Jack Sparrow - darned sexy, too! But then, I'm a sucker for dark headed men anyway! *grin*

All the best to you in 2007! *raises the imaginary glass of champagne that I wish was real! Slainte!!!