A Reprieve of sorts

Several folks have written to me back channel to ask about my dog, Libby, and how she's doing. I apologize for not posting things sooner, but it's been a regular whirlwind around here the last several days.

Anyway, here's what's going on. After my last post regarding Libby, I basically just began mourning. I've lost so many loved ones in the last few years, and this one seemed especially cruel to me, considering I basically got slapped in the face with the news, not expecting to hear anything like that when I took her to the vet.

So, when Dr. Beth told us we had only a few days, two weeks at the most, I began watching Libby a lot more carefully. In fact, the dog almost got depressed because I was hanging over her all the time.

Of course, she liked some aspects of it...like getting people food more often, and getting a LOT more cuddling, but she was always trying to comfort me because my tears were coming far too easily and often.

A week went by. Libby was actually letting us know she had a huge case of cabin fever by the next Monday. So, Robert asked me if I thought she could handle going for a walk. "Sure, why not?" I said.

I told him to take it slow and easy, and to not be surprised if he ended up carrying her back home. He knew that, and said he would let her be the judge of what kind of walk she wanted and where she wanted to go.

She took a walk - about a mile and a half of walk. She panted, but she wasn't breathing hard or gasping for breath. This is a dog who technically only has about another week to live if we're lucky.

This bugged the hell out of me. So, the following day, I called Libby's regular vet, Dr. Dave, who has always taken care of our animals, although we now take the cats to Dr. Beth, for she's one great cat vet. Dave called me back and I told him my concerns, that I wasn't knocking Beth's diagnosis - gods know the x-rays are pretty self-explanatory - but it just wasn't making sense to me that Libby, supposedly on death's door was not exhibiting any symptoms of impending death. I asked him if he'd look things over. He asked us to come in the following evening, and give him a chance to look at the films and read over Beth's notes, and then we'd talk. Fair enough, that.

The next evening, we sat down with him, looked at the films once more (Robert hadn't seen them yet) and talked. Dave told us he thought that Libby probably only had about another month or so, but he also said, "After 30+ years as a vet, I also know that there's no way to give any clear answer. Just look at each day as another blessing that you have with Libby."

I told him that I'd even been afraid to cut her toenails, because I didn't want to stress her unnecessarily, and he laughed and told me to go home and cut 'em...that she wasn't going to keel over - she wasn't that far gone!

And we asked him if there was anything we could do to stop the vaginal bleeding which is probably due to the spleen cancer.

Dave is wonderful. And having worked with him closely when I had my grooming shop, I know that he chooses his words carefully and you can see between the lines if you are bright enough to know what he's getting at.

He said that although he likes the antibiotic that Beth put Libby on, he thought that a higher dose would be far more likely to stop the bleeding. He put her on amoxicillin, 400mg. It's working. Although she bleeds a little bit, that's exactly what it is...a little bit. We're not constantly wiping her bottom, nor is she constantly stressing herself out licking. And, we're not constantly changing towels on the furniture, or cleaning spots on the carpet.

Then Dave asked me if Beth told me to put Libby down immediately. I told him that Beth had said that we needed to go home and make a decision within a couple of days. I've never had an animal that didn't "tell" you when it was time to let them go. And, Beth seemed to want to rush that - another reason I was so shook up.

I can play Dave's game. I asked him if Libby had been Beth's dog, would she have put her down right away? Dave said he couldn't be sure, but he believed she probably would. Again, reading between the lines - for Beth it's far more heartbreaking to even think about letting an animal suffer; but Libby isn't suffering. Even though dogs are great actors and try to prevent anyone knowing they're sick (it's a pack mentality thing), when you've lived with them you know when things aren't right.

With that being said, Dave also said that even though antibiotics are only given for ten days, he said in this case he'd keep Libby on them for the rest of her life. He also said that when these quit working, we can put her on prednisone and take her off her Rimidyl for ten days. And, he also had us start her on a Science Diet food called n/d. It's been clinically proven to retard the progress of cancer cells by a higher protein mixture. Libby loves the stuff and if it lets us keep her even a few days longer, I'm happy to do it.

So, right now, though we're still skating on thin ice with her, at least life is somewhat more normal. We don't feel as though we're all churning inside all the time, and we can go to work without wondering if we'll find her dead when we get home. Of course, we still *might*, but then we'll know it was just the time she decided to go. But, I hope she won't do something like that without us by her side. That would be far too hard on me, I think. I really can't bear the thought of anyone dying without someone who loves them being with them. That's just how I am!

So, bear with me, dear friends. I'm trying to get my life back to normal, but I can't promise you'll see lots of posts from me for awhile. I'll do what I can, though!