Happy Valentine's Day

In my defense, yes, I know I haven’t blogged for a few months. It’s not because of lack of caring – it’s simply because life keeps stepping in and making a whole lot of other plans for me.

If things go well, I’ll be posting more now; if not, I’ll simply post when I can! I am not going to let guilt get me over my lack of blogging!

The reason, though, that I’ve chosen tonight to blog is to wish anyone who still might be reading my thoughts on this blog a very happy Valentine’s Day. Consider this your card. *grins*

If you’ve known me for any length of time, you’ll know that this is atypical behavior. Valentine’s Day is not normally a part of my life, nor has it ever been.

But, I get it now. Right in the most tender part of my heart, I get it.

You see, until this year, I’ve had exactly one Valentine card given to me. That is, unless you count the Valentine cards we used to give to all our classmates in grade school! But that wasn’t by choice, that was more of a requirement!

I’ve certainly participated in Valentine’s Day; I worked retail for a good many years, so I’ve built displays, I’ve watched cards and flowers go through checkout lines, and I’ve stripped the thorns off thousands of roses and made up vases of arrangements, all destined to be delivered to someone else. Sometimes I even send email cards to people, not often, but it’s been known to happen. I’ve grown so used to NOT celebrating it, to remember to do so because it’s important to others just never occurs to me.

I think my spouse gave me a Valentine gift the first year we were married. Since then, it’s only been complaints because of the stupidity of the holiday and the hysteria it creates in mostly sane people. And, since I learned early on that I would not be fortunate enough to receive a Valentine from a boy, nor later on to expect one from my spouse (after that first year, that is), I learned to compensate, taking on the belief that my spouse held, that Valentine’s Day was simply a feeding frenzy for florists, chocolatiers, lingerie stores and jewelers.

When the kids were little, I made my spouse go to the local “good” candy store and buy each one of the kids a delightful combination of candy. That was from Daddy and the kids were thrilled because they knew it was a special store, and a gift from there showed them how much they were loved by him. (Mommy showed them in other ways. This was strictly Daddy’s gift for them.) My “day” is St. Patrick’s Day. I used to celebrate that with my Mom every year, and even though I’ve celebrated March 17 often, the years since Mom died have been tough enough that I told Himself that he’d best remember the holiday. I have other, more personal and private reasons I celebrate it as well; only one other person knows the full truth of the importance of St. Patrick’s Day.

But, now I’m talking about February 14. I was totally gobsmacked earlier this week when I met up with a guy friend for a couple of hours.

After a quick hug, he handed me a gift bag and a card.

“What’s this?” I asked. He looked at me, somewhat askance.

“It’s a Valentine gift,” he said, as he handed it over. I think my jaw dropped. I can’t be sure. I stood there, totally stunned, not really knowing what to do. I think I said something along the lines of “Thank you” and “I didn’t get you anything.” He said it didn’t matter.

But, it did matter – to me, even if not to him. How do you explain to someone that you’ve simply adjusted your life to fit other people’s expectations and grown so used to it that you simply accept things as is, instead of letting yourself feel what you really wanted to feel for a long time?

I turned away from my friend for a few minutes, because I felt the eyes beginning to well up. Damn things always try to leak at the most inappropriate times.

I swallowed and told him I’d never received a Valentine before. He was incredulous. He’s a lawyer, so I did get a brief interrogation. I told him, as I’ve already told you here, that I’d gotten a gift early on in my marriage. He was amazed upon hearing it, in fact, I really don’t think he believes me yet.

And my heart? Even yet, a few days later, I almost cry every time I look at the little gift and card. Damn it, he made me feel cherished. He made me feel like I mattered, that I was important enough to remember on a day known for romance.

He gets major points for this. Thank you, David. Happy Valentine’s Day to you, too.