A Handfasting

I was honored last night to be a guest at a very special gathering.

I was the mother of the groom. My son, Kirk, handfasted to his Beloved, Marsha.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term handfasting, it is a Pagan wedding. In most Pagan traditions, we believe that the wedding vows must be taken before our Gods and Goddesses, not because some laws are mandated requiring a legal piece of paper to formalize the union. Those who choose to handfast are required to live together for a year and a day. If they find within that time frame that they are not compatible, the union can be broken by doing a "handbreaking". Each individual can then go their own way. This is a handfasting in its simplest form.

I was the only family member invited to this. Next year, this time, there will be a more traditional wedding that all the friends and relatives will attend. That will be what most people have come to expect a wedding to be.

The handfasting was held at a lovely place called Spirit Hill. We were fortunate that the Gods chose to smile upon Kirk and Marsha and moved the rain away from us and gave them Their blessing and approval with a beautiful sunset as the vows were spoken.

We met prior to the event for socialization and of course, appetizers. When the time came, the bridal couple disappeared without any of us seeing them. The officiant, Sarah, gathered us, reminding us to bring our "gift" cards and to take a wine goblet which Kirk and Marsha had etched a Celtic triskelon on each stemware base.

We made our processional up a very steep hill to the handfasting site. We formed a circle. I wondered where Kirk and Marsha were, but then saw Marsha standing on a path across from where I stood. I glanced over my shoulder and saw my son standing on a path behind me.

Sarah spoke the opening words, reminding us why we were meeting in circle, and inviting the wedding couple to join the circle. They walked up and Kirk stood next to me. Since most handfastings are very private, I will not be repeating many of the things said, but generally, Sarah spoke words stating that we were casting the circle and she took Jeff's (best man)hand and squeezed it. Jeff repeated the words she said and squeezed the hand of the person next to him. And so it went around the circle, ending once again with Sarah as Sonie, (matron of honor)squeezed Sarah's hand. The circle was cast.

Kirk and Marsha stepped into the circle and invited the God/dess's and Elements to join us. They stood opposite each other, calling Air, Fire, Water and Earth, each half searching for the other to complete themselves. When the quarters were called, Marsha and Kirk stood together in front of Sarah, who asked them a series of questions, such as, "Will you honor this woman/man?" and appropriate responses given.
The questions progressed to things more negative, such as "Will you anger this woman/man?" with the response "I may." "Is that your intent?" "No."

There was some ad libbing, naturally. One of the questions, "Will you cause aggravation to this woman?" made Kirk respond, "Every day," which made all of us laugh, naturally.

Then the time came to state their vows to each other. Kirk spoke a few words and then emotion got to him and he wept. So, of course, I wept right along with him. I wasn't alone, either. Then Marsha spoke her vows, with tears streaming down her face as well.

The handfasting cord was tied around their clasped hands. It was then time for us to give them their "gifts", which we had written on the cards we'd been asked to bring to the ceremony. Kirk and Marsha stood in front of each person to hear their words.

When they stood in front of me, I started out bravely enough, then I sobbed. It took me a bit to pull myself together, and then I read my wishes for them: To always have awareness of each other; To always have hearts full of Love; to have minds that remain open to change and adventure; and to always have an understanding of each other's humanity. Then, spontaneously, we three hugged each other.

When all the gifts had been given, it was time for cakes and ale. For those of you unfamiliar with this, it is summed up best as "communion". Kirk and Marsha, still bound by the handfasting cord, began their service to the Gods and each other by learning to cooperate to carry the basket filled with banana raspberry muffins, and a bottle of mead. "May you never hunger, may you never thirst."

After we had consumed the food and drink, Sarah began releasing the circle, thanking the Gods and Elements for coming and blessing the marriage of Kirk and Marsha, and pronouncing them husband and wife. The traditional kiss from the couple finalized the ceremony. We trudged back down the hill, where a potluck supper awaited us. After food was enjoyed, the wedding cakes were cut and enjoyed by all.

Kirk and Marsha met each other in 1999. Kirk thought she was nice and attractive, but she was dating someone else at the time. She was beginning graduate school that fall. He was still wandering the earth, looking for his place in it. As each of them went through their individual lives, the timing was never such that they were both "single" at the same time. Then, last Lammas, Kirk was coming out of his horrendous marriage, and Marsha had also just ended a relationship. They had fun reacquainting at the event, and things progressed from there, Kirk moving back from Nebraska within a few months. Marsha finished grad school in May, and Kirk went back to college last spring.

I'm very happy to have Marsha as my new daughter. And, Kirk's sisters like Marsha a lot - and have never ever liked any of the other girls he dated, nor could they stand his ex-wife...but then, none of us liked that particular woman. So, Marsha and Kirk seem to have been destined to be with each other. So Mote It Be.